Friday, September 14, 2012

In the Words of Turtle Man, "Live Action"

It has certainly been an interesting week over at Casa de Rambo and Honey Badger. Our backyard is becoming somewhat of a death trap for any animals that dare venture into our yard. So here's our latest family activity in a nutshell.

If you are a PETA supporter, I am sorry if this offends you. If you could ever believe me, I am actually a friend of animals. I have saved everything from cats to birds to lizards to turtles and much more. I cried so hard when my pet fish jumped to its death out of his bowl when I was in high school. I wore black for a week as I mourned my great loss. And,  of course, there was a proper, formal burial and beautiful words were spoken in memory of Prince Valliant. I just happend to marry someone that has an equivalent hunting passion to Ted Nugent. Opposites attract?

Anyway, as Rambo embarked on his evening tradition of shooting something, I happend to be in the kitchen putting up dinner while Gigi ate her leftovers she threw from her high chair on the floor. Everything was going great until I spot this precious little squirrel frolicking in the grass. As soon as I saw it, I knew we had trouble. He decided to go for that squirrel that he claimed was "eating his sprinkler"" (see picture). I decided it is bc he feel inadequacy as a predator with the coon failure. BUt, as soon as I saw that look Rambo gets in his eyes that meant "I am a man. I will kill", I knew that poor squirrel was doomed. He made Gigi and I stop moving as he slowly set up his phone to film the mutany. Once his video was up and going he grabbed his pellet gun and scoped in the squirrel. He misses. HAHAHAHAHA. The squirrel heads for the tree and I am cheering him on to freedom and a long life.  Well, it was short lived. Shot number two and that squirrel was like a pinball in a pinball machine going from branch to branch until it reached a silent fall on to the ground. RIP.

If you look behind the bush, towards the back of the pic, you can see the little furry friend trying to drink some water from the sprinkler.
 
Rambo in Action. Look at that smile of victory on his face.
 
RIP, little Squirrel

Well, the unfortunate (and fortunate) part of this expedition was he actually got a 4 min video of the live action. But, thankfully he erased it bc all you could really see was me chasing him outside with the spatula asking him "what the bleep was wrong with him" and him responding "I am a man" and I said, 'then after you're done being man in the yard, be a man and take out the bleepin trash for once." Along with some other few choice phrases and ridiculous commentraty where he calls him self Ted Nugent and says "This is America, I am American..." Blah blah blah. The usual.  I was on edge. It was only day 2 of the Jesus fast. I was in full honey badger mode. Cut me some slack.

So you may think that the story ended her. Well, it most certainly did not. Today, Gigi and I are driving and I see three hawks circling the neighborhood. One time a hawk attacked my sister's dog and it would not get out of its cage or like 2 weeks. Traumatized. They are vicious. I immediately feared for my precious tortoise but then remembered he has a shell and weighs like 10 pounds... HE would be okay in his bunker. After pulling over the side of the road and doing a few bird calls to get the hawks' attention to try and get a pic of one of them, the leader swoops into the neighbo'rs tree and goes for another darn squirrel.  Seriously. Squirrels do not stand a chance in Bel Meade. Some terrible noises started coming from the tree so we drove off. I am so excited to tell Matt that I finally saw 3 of the phantom hawks that he never sees. HE quickly rains on my parade and tells me that they were buzzards going for the dead squirrel he threw in grandma's yard. Ugh. I still maintain they were totally hawks.

Beware, friends, these birds are like predatorial maniacs.

Good news at the end of this somewhat of a rambling story is, I think it is illegal to shoot hawks (probably buzzards too) so we are safe there. As for coons, squirrels, grackels- you have been fairly warned. 107 W Brandon is a death trap.

I'm thinking of checking out ebay to see if I can buy some of these in bulk for my backyard.


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