Coon Update: The Lone Survivor

Well, I don't even know where to begin with the sequence of events that took place in our latest encounter. This household was in mass chaos mode at 3:30 am. This actually happend 2 nights ago, buf it took me awhile to really internalize the events and process it all. Coon hunting really reached another level and INTENSITY on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

So Rambo, with his bionic hearing, here's a stir at 3:30 am. He immediately goes into death con five/ full-on predator mode scaling the walls around the house to the gun  in purpose to not scare the coon away. At this point I am still half asleep and foggy after have taken some extra melatonin to ensure a good night sleep. First mistake. Att this point, I have already completely disregarded my directives that we had so seriously practiced last weekend. Melatonin plus coon hunting equals huge disaster.

There were battle cries... Think braveheart. Coon, human. Screaming, screeching. I did not even know coons could make the kind of noises it did. It was like a terodactyl. The coon was totally ticked that Rambo was getting in his business. It was On. Rambo was literally raiding the coon like the SEALS in Operation Neptune Spear. Although, I am pretty sure they were not in their fudgies and they were raiding the worlds most wanted man. The next sequence of events go ugly. Apparently, I did not follow proper protocol. My only job was to turn off the alarm at the exact time he was going to open the door. Mistake #2. I did not follow behind him or listen to his count close enough and totally botched the operation. Then I proceeded to not find a flashlight fast enough so Rambo is running around like a rabid animal screaming about the damn flashlight. At this point the honey badger has come out in me and I am not having it. I started to sound like a terodactyl myself.  Why was I even a part of this? Coon climbs the tree and is staring at Rambo totally taunting him. Still no flashlight. Epic failure.

He debriefed me after and came to the conclusion that it was my fault that we did not get the coon. I think his exact words wer,. "Katherine, we went through this. You knew what you were supposed to do. He got away bc you did not do your one job."

Then there were several "if this was the apocolypto, we would be dead's". No lie.
Needless to say, I reminded him in a honey badger type of manner that this was not 'Nam, we were not fighting the commies. It was one mammoth coon who had an affinity for gold fish and cat food. About 10 minutes after the Gigi has a nightmare (shocking, right). She gets to sleep wih Rambo. I move to the couch.

Epic failure. Big daddy of them all eats another fish and gets away once again.

Rambo- 0 coon- infinity

Sweet Dreams, Rambo...